coming out

I still unable to come out to my family, but I came out to my housemates. I still remember clearly when I was coming out to my exhousemate (AP) seven years ago. I was just moving in with him for a few weeks but we were so close. He was chasing this girl and we had a little discussion to the point where he disagree that girl can be a guy's best friend.

AP: I don't think a guy and a girl can be a best friend.
M: Yes they can, look at the girl you chase right now, she spills everything out to me but not talking to you
AP: hmm, well, they can probably be best friends, if the guy is gay

awkward moment...

AP: oh wait, don't tell me .... [stare... 5.... 4....3...2..1. ]
M: yep, I am gay
AP: [jaw drop, his spoon full of rice fall from his hands]
M: yeh, I been thinkin to tell you since we're gonna be housemates for coming years

another awkward moment...

AP: so...... does it mean that you like me? as in attracted to me
M: HELLL....!!!  NOOOO....!!! EWWWW....!!! c'mon seriously...!!!
M: the reason I choose you as my housemate is because I know I will never be attracted to you even if you're the last guy on earth and yet I can still be myself at the same time

AP: then?
M: Look, just because that old lady in happy chef chinese restaurant downstairs has a VeeJayJay doesn't mean you like her right? Same thing goes to you la, just because you have penis doesn't mean I am attracted to you, daa... It takes more than just penis for me to get attracted to a guy.

We had an awkward week after that conversation that night, but I couldn't be bothered anyway, busy with assignments I locked myself in my room most of the time. I still cooked for us and eat dinner as usual. A week later we get back to normal with the piggy back jokes. We became brothers since then and housemates for six years. His parents treated me as their third son whenever they visit us in Sydney, even until now.

Since then, I decided I will have to let my housemate knows about me whoever they are. After AP moved out. My new housemate is Dee, I didn't need to comeout to her because when she inspect the place, AP let her went to my room and she saw nine pictures of me and J on study table. Ah makes things easier then....

So what's your coming out story? ***

Bizarre or Creepy

I had a coffee this morning with chloe, when her french friend decided to join in our coffee break. The conversation fall into subject of creepy and bizarre as the french guy asked "What's the difference?"

creepy |ˈkrēpē|adjective ( creepier , creepiest ) informalcausing an unpleasant feeling of fear or unease: the creepy feelings one often gets in a strange house.
bizarre |biˈzär|adjectivevery strange or unusual, esp. so as to cause interest or amusement: her bizarre dresses and outrageous hairdos.
so as per definition, I maybe a creepy person for some who doesn't really know me with my blunt way with the choices of my words or perhaps the way I swear and curse [cmon, everybody curse/swear la]. And someone actually said that, not that I disagree tho. This is exactly why I tend to be very timid when first time I met people. I tend to observed before leaving a wrong impression. But, I maybe combination of both creepy and bizarre but at least I don't do the bizarre way to interact with people, tho I encountered some guys did bizarre thing (smirk).***

Healing

Someone [wonder what shall I call him] sent me a link to this article. Not that I care about Tyra Banks, but those six points are exactly what I did.

Best way to heal broken heart

1.Be kind to yourself [checked]
I went for new haircut, shopping, checking out hotties at the gym [not seriously doing the exercise] joining body pump because the instructor is hot [I'll cover his face with some calendar picture will do]

2.Make a list of his most annoying treats [checked]
I think I got more than 10 on my list

3.Cut all of contact [checked]
block facebook, delete all numbers a few weeks after breakup

4.Get quality male attention [checked]
I let guys asking me out and actually went out with

5.Obliterate all traces [checked]
I cleaned my whole apartment, even get rid of my mattress and buy new one that I like, burnt his pillow [nah, just toss them in the bin], bag all of his stuffs and buried at the deepest of my wardrobe [just in case he wants them back]

6.Take a trip [checked]
More like runaway trip. Even my current life is also part of runaway scheme. I went for a few trips oledi since then and going for more this year. ***

day 11 and 12. Flame in the fog (Auckland)

The whole trip is part of my runaway scheme after dealing with messy year of 2011. This log will be the wrap of my New Zealand trip. Tho, I am not sure if I should log this one, because since I arrived in Auckland I got all the internet access and I posted mostly on this log.

Day 11. 31.12.11

It's New Year Eve. Woke up so late and bumped to Y just outside her hotel (again). The fog still there with on and off rain we walked downtown. She said she wants to see the Museum, I never knew she likes museum as past few years of trip whenever I offered her museum she always refused. Well I guess people's interest can change, evidently I am not much into museum anymore, I like visiting art exhibition better than museum. Then I said that I wanna see the art gallery first. So we went to art gallery, lucky today is free fee entry.

F@¢k yeah

As we walked out, she hand over a map to me and say, "this is the museum, I'm bad with map, can you take me there?". Errr.... that museum is actually very close to where I am staying, LOL. So I walked her there and say I'll pick her up for the dinner and fireworks later around 6 pm. After dropping her at museum I walked back to city to post some of the postcards. I just realised that I should have post them in the blue box instead of the red ones... zzz. the blue one for international mail, means it skip all of the domestic mail processing. Sorry guys, some of my cards might just arrived late and will not be in sequence. The rest of the day was just dinner and fireworks I posted on Day 12.

Day 12. 01.01.12

New Year and the trip back to sydney, I posted this one here. ***

Entrance to the Art Galery

Still foggy :(

Their main road, Queen St

day 10. and the sky's crying (Auckland)

Happy Chinese New Year everyone... ^^. Hope everyone have a prosperous year :D

I have this post drafted sometime ago but I surrendered to my procrastination in picking up the photos knowing that the pics aren't as nice as south islands posts.

day 10. 30.12.11

After long night suffocated in the crampy dorm, I woke up very very early on the next day. Outside is poring rain, waiting for a bus made me look like a hitch-hiker now. Taking intercity ride from Rotorua to Auckland, the cloud and rain dont seem to go anywhere. I can't even be bothered to pull out my camera, not even my iphone to take pictures. I used to like raining knowing that I like to smell the fresh soil after the rain. But not in the past few months, I hate raining, it's just gloomy and negate my happy level. I stoned most of the trip whilst Y babling, not that I complain tho, I mean I am unstopable when I'm stoning.

It was heavy rain as soon as the bus arrived at Auckland Tower. I had to run in the rain with big backpack at the back and small one at the front as I don't have raincoat nor umbrella with me. I want to keep the camera stays dry. Still craving for asian food. Y saw this Japanese fine dining so we shelter there as we eat I managed to get online and check a few msgs.

After the meal, the rain stops, I walked Y to find her hotel then I kept walking further to reach my backpackers. I reached 146 K road backpackers, little that I realised this is the road where gay guys are hanging out, similar to Oxford street in sydney-surryhills-darlinghurst. I got the three bed mix dorm all for myself, so big, so much air flow, so less suffocated. But I just learnt that I am allergic to certain fabrics in this place. Any skin that are exposed to the bedsheet had rashes everywhere. I thought it was just me, but I couldnt be bothered and grab my camera and start walking down the city. Thick cloud still hanging, I bumped at Y outside her hotel, we didn't even make a plan to meet up. Since that was coincidental, we roamed around the city together.

Later at night, the rashes is back. I pulled out the bedsheet and trying to find a bed bug, just in case. But there's none, the matress is brand new. I spread some of my shirts and cover the pillow with my shirt then trying to sleep. That night, I slept alone, sadness start pouring in. I took my laptop and gone online. One of the guy I know of suddenly msg me and wanting to go skype. So I did, at least I won't be alone till my bed time.

Looking back, I dun like Auckland, I dun like Sydney, I dun like big cities. I like big open space with blue sky, I like old an ancient towns where people are more friendly-er. I wrote more postcards to send my friends around the world, I even wrote one for Y. I thought to post it tomorrow.***

proper dine in

These metal lambs and pig are surprisingly expensive souvenir

The Viaduct, auckland tower is hiding beneath the fog

thought of getting one of these for snack, but seems too much

day 9. running out of luck ( Christchurch - Rotorua)

Day 9. 29.12.11

I returned jucy blue the night before. bye bye blue, from here I will be flying and taking public transports. Woke up so early, we checked in for the first flight to rotorua. A twin propeller jet brought us from Christchurch on south island to Rotorua on north island. I tried to sleep in flight, but kinda hard to sleep whilst Y slept so well, I dunno how does she do that. Getting out of the airport, Y thought that we missed the bus so I was like "let's wait for 5 minutes, you never know". Right after I shut my mouth then the bus turned up, it's late by 5 minutes.

I went to post office to get more postcards, write them and post them right away. We went to this kinda sulphur lake wai-o-tapu. In the rain and strong wind, i was just too lazy to pull out my camera. I kept using my phone instead, besides, this gloomy weather just not giving me a vibrant color anymore. It gives me sadness instead. Hence, I dun have that nice pictures in this post :(.

Returning back to the town, I decided to wander around by myself and only to meet Y again on dinner time. I had a crave for Asian food, only to find this korean restaurant that is so not convincing. The old man there barely speaks english and he was like "r u sure u want to eat here? the food is spicy. have you had korean food before". Errr... this is the first time ever someone running a restaurant and trying to convince me to leave instead of staying.

Checking in the Astray hostel, I made friends with one taiwanese guy, one french girl, and one german girl. These dorm-mate are apparently here on holiday working. The german girl actually works for this motel at the time being. I didn't talk much with them because I'm busy breathing. This backpacking is by far the worst. It's so crampy, with tiny window and the ceiling is so low that I kept banging my head to the ceiling when I got up the bed. Feeling uneasy when the night falls is one thing, adding confined space into the equation just made me suffocated. I grabbed my keys then sit outside the hostel and tell myself I swear I dun wanna stay in such crampy space anymore. I wonder why people give a good rating on this place, lucky we only stay in rotorua for one night.Twenty minutes later I went back to bed.***

comparison, before and after spinning

9 am, trying to get my luggage

mud pool, it blob...

one of the sulphur lake

watchout, it's hot

champange pool

OMG... mr bean's car in orange color

korean lamb... so so, not as per described by the old man in the restaurant

weather oh weather....

day 8. Thief on the run (Twizel, Mt cook, Tekapo, Christchurch)

Day 8. 28.12.11

Leaving early from Twizel, I drove along the side of lake pukaki. The turqoise water is so pretty I just can't describe it with words. At the end of this road is where the hooker valley lies. I parked the car there trying to hide it between two big campers so it wont get too hot when we get back to the car. The trek is kinda novice, so we did not struggle much with the walk. The only disappointment was the cloud hanging over mount cook. Two hours walking (and taking pictures) we ended up on the foot of mount cook. We sat there by the river and then a group of japanese tourists joining us. I kinda still able to understand what they are talking, tho my japanese has become so dull after not using it for four years.

I took off my shoes just like in any other spots with water and simmer my legs in the water. Ouch, it's icy cold then I ran back to the rocks. Y seems exhausted so I leave her alone sitting there near the japanese tourist without even realising that I was sitting far behind her writing some more cards as weather starts to clear up. Walking back is rather faster, maybe it's less challenging and we made lesser stops.

Driving back to state highway I turned the wheels toward lake tekapo to have lunch. This is the first proper protein I had in the past 8 days after getting lost in small towns. I cooked myself the steak on heated blue stone at the table. From here, I soak my feet once more in turqoise water of lake tekapo. Later I found out that the clay at the bottom of the lake is what made the water looks so turqoise as it reflect the blue sky.

Heading back to christchurch from here we did not make that many stops. After seeing the west coast Haast highway makes the east side looks nothing. Even so, we still capture more and more pictures until we checked in @ Christchurch again. I returned the car after having korean meal dinner, I am so craving for asian food from day 8 onwards.***

Leaving the motel @Twizel

Trekking @ Hooker Valley

Lone in the mountain (left) and cross that bridge (right)

@ the valley, that's mount cook ahead

They may be pretty but toxic for cattle

Lake pukaki and Mt Cook

Lupin field

Lake tekapo

taken on Y's camera : Thief on the run

Finally I see Alpaca

day 7. set fire to the sky (Queenstown to Twizel)

So dead tired today, I forgot to post the blog, no energy, still on bed. I had good time with my good friend last nite, drinking for her birthday, nearly had no energy even to get on to the bus home. but anyhoo...

Day 7. 27.12.11

Queenstown

After six days on public transport and driving and bus riding for almost over 3500km with late night sleeps and I chat with people in the dorm then trouble sleeping as I dislike the time after sun comes down and everything is dark outside, eventually I was drop dead tired. I told Y that I'd like to wake up late and have my own day and simply do nothing but walking around downtown Queenstown or just sitting by the lake Wakatipu. She agreed and let me off, she choose to do another cruise to the farm where she can actually touch those farm animal without the animal grumpy attitude, LOL.

Twizel

I checked out in the morning and drop my stuffs in the car then walking around to get some postcards, stamps, having brunch and sit by the lake only to write several postcards. Still not finished writing the postcards, Y finished her cruise and wanting some Patagonia chocolate, so I joined her and write more postcards and did my quick post there. From here we're heading towards twizel. We made a few more stops starting from Arrowtown, some random interesting spots, Omarama (only to buy pie and refuel), then Twizel to check in. From there we're checking out lake Tekapo and trying to capture the sunset. Sky was so pretty as if you burn them red.

It's been two and half months and I'm still scared of dark as it always brings back memories. I rushed back to the motel. Y asked "what's the speed limit here?". "err... 100" I replied. "aren't you kinda driving too fast?" she asked. "yeh, we're chasing the sun, I dun like driving in the dark in strange place, and I've seen no police nor camera on the way here, besides I'm following a local driver ahead of us". Well, I kinda drive this 7 years old tiny car like a sports car at 160kph, it took a while to pick up the speed tho, but it's a manual car, I can just juice it up, "right jucy-blue?" ***

@ Queenstown : I started the walk here

@ Queenstown : need my protein intake

@ Queenstown : managed to capture this flying seagull while writing post cards

@ Queenstown ; Y wrote me a postcard, yay...

Arrrived back in Arrowtown

Where to go from here

hmm... can't remember this place name

near northburn

Lindis valley

Lindis valley

church, lake tekapo, almost sunset

sunset, lake tekapo, looks like fire in the sky, you don't get this kinda sunset everyday

day 6. picking up a hitch hiker (milford sound)

OMG, I am supposed to write CV today, but I surrendered to my procrastination and do it half way and sleep all the way after work. Anyway, the blogging must go on. So 26.12 is a boxing day, not that people wearing boxer and start punching the opponent in a box. Historically people put back the unwanted Xmas gift in the box and give it away to someone else for boxing day gift.

Day 6, 26.12.11. Milford sound

We decided to leave the car in Queenstown and took a day tour to milford sound. Ian, the tour guide apparently has been doing the job for a very long years oredi. This island is just magical, the further we explore the more I amazed with the view. In addition we met this Canadian girl on the bus, Christine, she speaks indon very well to the point that I lost my indon vocabulary, haha, and I'm Indon. The bus enroute from Queenstown to Te Anau then Milford sound. we made a few small stops in some interesting places. And the highlights of the day is that along the way, Ian picked up a Switzerland-er hitch hiker, I think he's cute [in person]. if only he's gay… LOL, I dun mind to have a bf like him. here's some pics... ***

seagulls away from the ocean

Boat on Te Anau Lake

this is the stranded guy that Ian picked up along the way :D I'm too shy to talk to him le :(

@milford sound : ahead is tasman sea

captured this when the boat is closing to the rocks

rainbow over the water of milford sound