Monday, 2 July 2012

financing a couple

Tonight, I feel like throwing an finance issue to all my readers. I do not have any idea what's right and what's wrong in terms of the split. So, anyway, real case, I have a friend, name him P. He just found a new bf name him Q. They are just newly together a couple months ago but my friend P stays at Q's place and we probably can count with my one hand the number of days P actually stay at his own place since they are together. One day, P suddenly messaged me out of the blue telling me that he feels like going home to his place today. It was rather suspicious, I chased him up what was the reason, one excuse after another until... Aha... a finance story came up.

Q apparently asked P to chip in on the energy bills. P has objection as that means he's paying his place where he lives as well as chip in Q's bills. With his financial capacity, he has troubled to meet both. Although in my opinion Q has every right to ask P to chip in to the bill after I asked P "how many days actually you stayed with him in the past three months?", "that was a rhetorical question, "you only went home for five days if you sum it up". So to me, although they are not [officially] moving in together, they already are [de facto].

I threw the issue to Seb, and he thinks it's wrong if Q ask P to chip in because they are not moving in together. But I still disagree because they are moving in together de facto. And for me [now], finance is totally separate entity. Seb disagree as he thinks the sense of "togetherness" does not exist anymore. I would think my best friend Y will agree with me, she'll easily says "everyone must pick up their own weight".

I have the thought of this quiet a while, since around after J and I broke up. I am not so sure how did my parents finance the family. As far as I can remember mum worked hard as a single parent since dad left us when I was little. So I didn't learn much except how to manage whatever resources left, but I agree with Y's opinion, thus I told myself, the next time I am in relationship and ready to move in together, My future bf and I shall have a joint account. That's just for a start, we shall chip in equally to pay rent and bills and potentially for food and filling up the fridge. And if things goes well, we can probably set up one financial goal together. But then again, everyone has different level of financial power and capacity. In a "straight-society" the male probably play more role in financing the couple.

Anyway, back to the case. So, how does the finance shall work for couple when they [officially] move in together. Any thoughts?


  1. Replies
    1. I think it's Q, he's also far older than P

  2. yea, in my opinion P should help with the bills lah.. but P might look and take it in a wrong way.. oh well..

  3. agree with u .. it's just 'chip in' right? not 'split half'?
    that's the problem with couple staying-over too often ... ;p

    1. Yep, chip in,

      And yep staying more than too often [literally live there]

  4. if chipping in is an issue, the person's budget must be quite tight.. if not it wont pose a problem..

    i dont think its a dominant issue or anything and no such thing that the dominant one will pay or some shit..

    but like if you two are really a thing, you will definitely have the urge to help each other out and therefore like money wont be an issue if like when it comes to things that the two have together eg House, groceries, bills...

    but like if just baru became couple and all usually will split half half unless one side is fucking rich then whatever la kan but the once ive been in usually are with youngsters so we tend to split everything cos like students ma, we dont really you know... lol.. unless damn rich then different case la...


    am i making sense?

    i also dont know.. cam dah shift house everything dah exhaustred to dre max!!!

    have to continue packing tomorrow night cos now need to sleep and wake up work tomorrow omg benciiiiiiii...

    dah la need to work, + shift house + stress cos of exams..

    quite benci la...


    semua tak selesa laaaaaaaaaaaaaa...

    i need 2 days off...

    1. You shall sleep tulsie, :p

      But the urge to help each other is also one thing that glue couple together, which may also means down to finance.

      Then again, the parameter is just too many to consider in the equation

  5. it all depends on the financial situation of both guy...if one is in better position, then the other guy should just chip-in to reduce the burden a little bit since he still need to pay his own house..he could compensate by helping around the house, doing the chores, picking up the's a win-win situation..i dont mind paying more if i can come back to clean house with meal prepared =P hahahha

    1. Lol, you treat the bf as a maid, a cleaner, a driver, and potentially a gardener, as well as sex object for extra pennies. Wah so cheap

  6. difficult situation: when it comes to money, even the closest relations can be strained.

    I guess everyone above has more or less the same answer; let me just share my experience & 2 cents worth of thot.

    When we (hubby & me) were still students or poorer then, we had an expense book & at the end of the month (or months) we balance the difference...Eventually after some years when we were financially both OK, we stopped -it became"Your money is my money, my money is your money" (I normally joke by changing the 2nd sentence to: my money is MY money).

    SO.....I guess it is quite valid for Q to ask P to help out; A fair way would be to compare the expenditure before & after P started to live in. The difference has to be covered by him.

    1. Wah, an expense book is brillian idea

      And comparing the expenditure before and after is the way to go. Especially energy bills, it's the easiest to track down as the current bill always provide a comparison with previous period as well as same period of last year.

      As expected from the wise Germ

  7. I personally wouldn't mind to pay more if I really like the guy :-) Money should not be an issue in a good relationship.

    Q asked P to chip in for the energy bills. How about the food when they were living together? Perhaps P paid or contributed to the grocery shopping? Energy bills shouldn't be that much, I guess around 100-200 dollars a month or possibly less? It is likely the increase in the energy bills is marginal (<50 dollars). So either Q is too cheap that he asked P? or P has been living off Q completely in the past 3 months.

    1. Grocery shopping, hardly, even if they do they pay half half, and for food, they always eating out or take away which is still half half

      Money is always an issue, but it sounds taboo to talk about. It's not number one, but it is very important. I still have to disagree calling someone too cheap, because living on someone else expenses isn't what I call love. Love is more like having the urge to help each other like Tuls said.

      Besides, by doing it I think it's a good practice so no one feel working harder than the other. Or at least reduce that weigh when things goes wrong



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