Friday, 4 January 2013

closing chapter

I started this blog jus a little bit over than a year, over 45000 hits, I never expected that. The very reason I started this blog is that I needed something to do with my break up and pour my story or sometimes with just photos here, for the sake that I don't wanna burden people with my problem and I still have a place to channel it.

I made a few trips, meeting people, tried to date a few guys hoping that there is someone out there for me, none of them working out. Feeling down and thinking that this is not fair. I went to a point that I tried to accept the fact and thought that I am probably destined to be alone. But I can see it clearer now. I was the real problem.

No, wait...! that's not right. rephrase. The way I tackled [failing] relationship was the real culprit. Danny may say "you should love yourself more before you love your partner" because when that special someone leave, you still can move on easily. Y may say "never build your life around someone else", because when that speical someone leave, your life will be hollow and easy to break. But I think it's combined of both. Live life on the edge. Build life solid for yourself. Keep some part for special someone to grasp, and some part for friends and family to hold on to. Love yourself but also love others. Treat people the way you want them to treat you.

It must have been difficult too for J when he realised that his feeling towards me changed over time and shifted to someone else instead. I would probably don't know what to do if I were in his shoes. Trying to break up with me when we had no fundamental issue. We didn't build our life around each other, I have mine and he has his. When the feeling is gone I guess it's gone and I couldn't deal with it at the same pace, the balance has tipped. I don't know the reason why B choose to lie to me, but clearly he has fear that I will leave him. The reality is I left as soon as I found out that he's been lying to me. Had I learnt the truth earlier, things may be different but now I can't even be bothered to be friends with him, not worth it. Lesson I learnt, I didn't build my life around him, I love myself more, I still hang out with my friends, I dealt with it within a week. If dealing with failed relationship is a job, I deserve a bonus this time.

Closing this chapter, probably I was ready a few months ago, that's when I started to write less here and have a deep conversation with myself instead. I am ready for whatever next that comes my way. I will still compromise. Keeping everybody happy is impossible, so some of them will just have to deal with it. But one thing I know, I wanna be surrounded by the people who love me.

Casts [in alphabetical order]
AA- uni friend
AB - Chloe's twin brother
Al - the neighbor
AP - ex housemate
B - mr doctor
B2 - another boy
Chloe - work colleague
CJ - gay friend
Dee - housemate
J - the ex bf
JL, JN - uni friends
Seb - gay best friend
Y - best friend


  1. Hey.. glad that you are oky and looks like it's gonna be swift along the way. :)

  2. wow . u still remembered what i said.. lol..
    anyway, good thing that you are ready to move on..
    we shall look forward for some happy entries from now onwards from you:)

    1. you'll be surprised how much this brain of mine can memorised thing



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