Tuesday, 15 May 2012

my story

Scrolling my posts and found this, it was something I drafted while waiting in the airport in February! But my laptop ran flat of battery hence it ended up in draft. I thought it is worth finishing and posting it.

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04.02.12. At the airport, again. It was 16 months ago the last time I see mum. And today, here I am, in the airport again, departing to see mum. I have been running away from family for [I lost count the years by now], well more like from reality. I was so tired playing multiple role figure in the family after the complex relationship between mom and dad. After things gone better, I decided to pack my bag and leave. This is one of my runaway story.

two dollars [source]
When I got the scholarship announced, I used up all my savings to get my one way ticket, filling up my rucksack with cheap pasar malam clothings as long as I could survive, and there I was left with 500AUD cash in my pocket. Mum thinks it was a daring move, but I said goodbye to mum and flew away. "There's a problem with your scholarship administration, so we cannot transfered the fund to your bank account for coming 4 weeks", the coordinator for scholarship broke the bad news. Sigh, how am I gonna survive with AUD500 for four weeks include paying rents, bills, food, and transport (I can abandon phone I guess)? I asked to myself.

But I did it, haha... I survived because my classmate saved me when he overheard my conversation with the scholarship coordinator, we stayed together and that first month I only pay rent and owe him the bond money. He covered my bond money until I got the scholarship transfered to my account. My rent back then cost $100 per week, leaving me with $100 to live for coming 28 days. I bought a $1.98 white bread and nutella for my breakfast, I piled up one box of Indomee (40 packs), dozens of eggs, one bag of cheapest 2 kg rice I could get, and only take a bus going to uni (dun wanna b late; travel 10 cost $14 for concession) and walk home at the end of the day more like after 9 pm. So yah, I lived that living under $2 per day for whole four weeks. Oh there's one time I actually owe to the restaurant owner a lunch money, because I couldn't afford it. The owner is a couple indo-malay husband-wife, I paid them back the $$ I owe them when I got the fund transferred.

Weeks after that I started to get busy with uni life. It works out quiet well, I got part time job, and work for some professors for their consulting work$ [extra ca$h] and during low consulting seasons, I work for RTA's contractors by counting how many cars passing by intersection or turning (lef or right). It was interesting job, I even got picked up a few times when sitting on the corner of the road with my safety vest on which confused my housemate. As for personal life I tried to be straight. No, I wasn't confused. I know I am different since I was six years old, but with the fucked up family I don't even know what's normal family like. Growing up in the culture where male having ear pierced is a serious bad sin, I had that thought my family would not love me if I am gay. But it just doesn't work. To the point that, Fuck this...!, I dun care about the world anymore, I am gay and I am who I am. I then start cutting myself off from my family.

I hardly call mum even until now. It's just because that means I had to talk to dad and bro as well and they always demand more things from me, I had to listen to mum's whining everyday, and listen to my older brother's never ending problem. I'm just tired of those, I have my life too. Besides, I still can't manage to bring myself to tell mum that I am gay which means I still have to avoid those questions "when are you going to introduce a girl to us?". I don't think she knows me well but I know her like the back of my hands. And yes, I've been on the run.

I always wanted mum and bro ask me question like "are you happier there?" instead of "it is forbidden to wear earring" [wait until I wear men as my accessories] or "can I have some money?" or "when are you coming home?". No, I don't wanna go back, I was never happy there and no one care about it. ***

20 comments:

  1. Your experiences made you a stronger person today. I never thought your story would be like that as first impression you were otherwise. Anyway..i have great respect for you now. You must be proud of yourself. I would....i would be damm proud if it was me.

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    Replies
    1. first impression is always misleading, no?

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  2. Inspiring malimo.. The amount of courage you have.. Like two horn child said, you must be proud of yourself. If i were you at that situation, i would probably panic and cry..

    <3

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  3. Woah sounds like you've been through a tough life. Hope things are a lot better now. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger right? Hugs.

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    Replies
    1. things are better now, trying to keep it that way or improve it

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  4. you are a brave young man... i like!!! :) and getting picked up by who? lollll... next story will be on that k! lol...

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    Replies
    1. hahaha, I refused to get picked up la, I was still trying hard to be straight

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  5. Sounds like you're having a tough time with the family! Ouch.

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  6. Similars reasons why I dun wanna go back lol

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    Replies
    1. would love to hear your story

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    2. Still can't think bout it without sob sobbing but thanks for sharing yours. You'll go far and well :)

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    3. Obviously there're parts of the story that is too sad and I still unable to bring it up

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  7. I just wanna say I love your new header. So beautiful. Did you snap that or taken from the Internet? Hehehe...

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    Replies
    1. I snap it myself, it's also on this post [picture number 8]

      http://2compromise.blogspot.com.au/2012/05/color-of-elves.html

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  8. I can understand what u wrote 100%. It felt like reading my own story (moving away from Asia almost 20 years back, opps just revealed my age)...Anyway, the part of coming out to family especially parents, my guess is that mothers almost always know & i pray that you have understanding parents who will accept u when the day comes. Stay strong.

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    Replies
    1. Did you come out to your parents? I'm interested to hear your story

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